A friend of mine asked, “How are you?” As I laughed, I replied with my typical weary snarkiness, “Suicidal…” His reply to my answer was far from what I expected. He began to explain to me that I was not suicidal, but in his opinion, more self destructive. He then gave me a description of my life the last 2 years or so, as he saw it. I was shocked and horrified as he metered out “his version” of “my life.” How I let myself want more from things that were never meant to fit. How I cried myself into sheer exhaustion over people who claimed to have loved me, but only treated me with disdain and worse, were apathetic to my pain. How I neglected my stress levels and health, subsequently suffering a cardiac event. I explained to him how none of these things did I do on purpose, and given that fact, how could he deem me ‘self destructive’? “Life happens!”, I told him. He replied, “The core reason for these things make them self destructive. You do not love and value yourself. THAT is self destructive!”
I knew he was right.
I thought I was taking care of ME… I stand corrected.